Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Ok, I'm Officially Creeped Out

So, there I was, standing at the sink in the bathroom here at the office after taking a leak. I turned the water on, got it nice and hot (men, seriously, washing your hands in cold water is like washing them with your piss because it doesn't work), and squirted the soap out of the dispenser.

Ok, I have to stop here for a second. The soap in the bathroom here was something I could always count on as being the same. I mean, you go into the bathroom and you never know what you're going to find, especially on this floor. However, the soap was always the one constant. It was pink, thick and smelled very nice. I was really happy with it. In a room of freaks and slobs, it was my one comfort item.

Anyhow, back to the story. So, there I was, hot water running, warming my hands up, ready to put some of that pink velvety soap on my hand, I depress the soap dispenser and out comes (or is it cums)......this white, watery substance that looked like the money shot in a porn movie. I about lost my lunch right there in the sink.

So now, not only do I have this cum-like substance on my hand, but I'm utterly frozen. I don't know what to do. I mean, there's no way in fuck I'm smelling this stuff. I'm afraid to rub my hands together, lest the man goo somehow absorb through my pores. I'm totally terrified to wash it off because I really don't want to watch it stick to the drain as it washes out of the sink. Likewise, I really don't want this spunky substance on my hands anymore. In the end, I ran my hands under the faucet, didn't rub them together (yes, I totally closed my eyes so I didn't see what happened to the baby batter), grabbed a paper towel to open all doors between the bathroom and kitchen, walked inside, washed my hands in the kitchen sink here FOUR FUCKING TIMES and called it good.

Can't someone do a memo when they decide to change the soap from something nice, safe and constant to something that resembles what Peter North excreted all over Jenna Jameson's back in the movie I just watched last night? I mean shit, I'm all for a good gooing, but there's a time and place for that. It shouldn't be something that I wash my hands with.

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