Monday, June 06, 2005
Confidence
Today, on a very special episode of The World According to JP, we focus on JP's dwindling self esteem. Where did it go? Will he ever get it back? What is that smell? Stay tuned. No, really, what IS that smell?
Of all the people that know me, I don't think anyone would ever classify me as not being confident. Actually, those that know me would call me very confident. Not over confident. Not arrogant. Not conceited. Not far from any of those, but I'm usually a very confident person. Further, if there's one place I'm more confident than anywhere, it's the softball diamond. I've never been intimidated on a ball field. As a matter of fact, in most circumstances I honestly believe that I'm the best player on the field. However, my streak of confidence was shattered this weekend, and I can't put my finger on why that is.
The tournament started out like it always does. We won the first two games pretty handily and I was doing my thing, both offensively and defensively. No errors, a couple spectacular plays and was 6-7 at the plate with 4 home runs. Maybe slightly above average for me. I was even doing my thing in the third game, until the 4th inning. Then, out of nowhere, the wheels not only fell off, but high-tailed it for the border without me.
It was a routine play. One I've made a million times. One I've made sober, drunk, asleep, eyes at half mast, while ogling half-nekkid strippers, etc. I mean a routine fucking ground ball. One that I didn't have to move for. A fucking one hopper that I gloved flawlessly and promptly threw about 10' wide of first base. Not even close. Ok, now I've made errors before. As a matter of fact, I probably make one or two a tournament but never, EVER, on a ground ball like that. The next guy came up and hit me another routine ground ball, which I promptly kicked into left field. WHAT THE FUCK?!? The other team proceeded to score 8 runs that inning, taking the lead. The next inning, same thing, routine ground ball, JP picks it up and promptly fires it wide of first. Ground ball to 2nd baseman, he flips it to JP for one out, and JP promptly fires the ball 10' wide of first again. Ok, now this is 4 errors in a row. It's seriously fucking with my head. We manage to get out of the inning with minimal damage. I'm up 4th this inning. First girl walks, next guy gets a hit, next girl walks, bringing me to the plate with bases loaded and nobody out. A fly ball is all I really need in this situation, although there's no outs, so I can try to hit a line drive. Well, the first pitch is my pitch, out over the plate and about cock high. I normally absolutely t-off on that ball. I took my swing and promptly popped it up to the 3rd baseman. No runs score. We manage 1 run out of all that. Ok, now not only am I giving the other team runs left and right, but I'm not driving in any either? Confidence gone. Just like that. Pop goes the weasel.
We lost that game thanks to me. I had no more hits and managed another error in the 7th inning. We had no business losing to that team ever, they sucked. The 4th and 5th games of the day were pretty much the same. If you hit it to me, you were pretty much on base. I think I made 9 errors in a row at one point. I have never been on a field praying that the ball wasn't hit to me, until Saturday. At least we battled through and won those games. My hitting went due south as well. After starting 6-7, I went 5-11, ending up at 11-18 for Saturday. Not good. Not good at all.
Yesterday was a little better, I only made 1 error in 2 games, but my hitting was still all jacked up. I went 2-7 in the 2 games, with no HRs. They were both singles. We won the tournament, but it cost me my confidence for the time being. I tried everything, getting down on myself, remaining upbeat, cracking jokes, isolation, a quick hand job in the bathroom (ok, not really but would have considered it), and nothing worked. Nothing at all.
I have another game tonight (assuming it doesn't rain). Am I washed up at 36? Can I still play? Who the hell knows, because, at this point, it sure as shit isn't me.
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Of all the people that know me, I don't think anyone would ever classify me as not being confident. Actually, those that know me would call me very confident. Not over confident. Not arrogant. Not conceited. Not far from any of those, but I'm usually a very confident person. Further, if there's one place I'm more confident than anywhere, it's the softball diamond. I've never been intimidated on a ball field. As a matter of fact, in most circumstances I honestly believe that I'm the best player on the field. However, my streak of confidence was shattered this weekend, and I can't put my finger on why that is.
The tournament started out like it always does. We won the first two games pretty handily and I was doing my thing, both offensively and defensively. No errors, a couple spectacular plays and was 6-7 at the plate with 4 home runs. Maybe slightly above average for me. I was even doing my thing in the third game, until the 4th inning. Then, out of nowhere, the wheels not only fell off, but high-tailed it for the border without me.
It was a routine play. One I've made a million times. One I've made sober, drunk, asleep, eyes at half mast, while ogling half-nekkid strippers, etc. I mean a routine fucking ground ball. One that I didn't have to move for. A fucking one hopper that I gloved flawlessly and promptly threw about 10' wide of first base. Not even close. Ok, now I've made errors before. As a matter of fact, I probably make one or two a tournament but never, EVER, on a ground ball like that. The next guy came up and hit me another routine ground ball, which I promptly kicked into left field. WHAT THE FUCK?!? The other team proceeded to score 8 runs that inning, taking the lead. The next inning, same thing, routine ground ball, JP picks it up and promptly fires it wide of first. Ground ball to 2nd baseman, he flips it to JP for one out, and JP promptly fires the ball 10' wide of first again. Ok, now this is 4 errors in a row. It's seriously fucking with my head. We manage to get out of the inning with minimal damage. I'm up 4th this inning. First girl walks, next guy gets a hit, next girl walks, bringing me to the plate with bases loaded and nobody out. A fly ball is all I really need in this situation, although there's no outs, so I can try to hit a line drive. Well, the first pitch is my pitch, out over the plate and about cock high. I normally absolutely t-off on that ball. I took my swing and promptly popped it up to the 3rd baseman. No runs score. We manage 1 run out of all that. Ok, now not only am I giving the other team runs left and right, but I'm not driving in any either? Confidence gone. Just like that. Pop goes the weasel.
We lost that game thanks to me. I had no more hits and managed another error in the 7th inning. We had no business losing to that team ever, they sucked. The 4th and 5th games of the day were pretty much the same. If you hit it to me, you were pretty much on base. I think I made 9 errors in a row at one point. I have never been on a field praying that the ball wasn't hit to me, until Saturday. At least we battled through and won those games. My hitting went due south as well. After starting 6-7, I went 5-11, ending up at 11-18 for Saturday. Not good. Not good at all.
Yesterday was a little better, I only made 1 error in 2 games, but my hitting was still all jacked up. I went 2-7 in the 2 games, with no HRs. They were both singles. We won the tournament, but it cost me my confidence for the time being. I tried everything, getting down on myself, remaining upbeat, cracking jokes, isolation, a quick hand job in the bathroom (ok, not really but would have considered it), and nothing worked. Nothing at all.
I have another game tonight (assuming it doesn't rain). Am I washed up at 36? Can I still play? Who the hell knows, because, at this point, it sure as shit isn't me.
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