Monday, October 31, 2005
Things I've Learned From Horror Movies
As we all know, I love horror movies. As a matter of fact I went and saw Saw II Saturday night and let me just say that even though it wasn't as good as the first one, it was still pretty effing twisted.
Having watched just about every horror movie known to man, let me give you a list of things I've learned from them.
- If a voice in your house says "Get Out!!" Then get out;
- Never talk to clowns in sewers;
- If someone is chasing you outside, and you're wearing high heels...take them off;
- If someone is chasing after you with a knife, do not run upstairs where you'll be trapped;
- If a little blonde girl stares into a snowy tv screen and says "they're here...," they are;
- Never have sex with a girl in the woods;
- 1...2...Freddie's comin' for you
- 3...4...Better lock your door
- 5...6...Grab your crucifix
- 7...8...Better stay up late
- 9...10...NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!!!;
- If you're filming a documentary in the woods and you find an abandoned house...umm..yeah, don't go in;
- If you're beautiful, have big boobages, and stand around naked looking at yourself, chances are someone else is watching you too...from the closet;
- If a little boys says to you "I see dead people" - chances are - you are dead;
- I learned this one this weekend - if the killer leaves you a note telling you not to use a key on a certain lock, take his advice, or at least don't put your eye up to the peephole while turning said key;
- If someone says they'll be right back...they won't;
- If you're in a dark room and you hear a noise...run away! Do not go in to investigate;
- It's not normal to be able to turn your head all the way around;
- When driving along a dark, long, dirt road and you pass some guy bleeding to death on the side of the road...it's actually ok to pick him up. BUT...When he says "can we turn around and get my buddy, he was right behind me!?" DON'T!!!; and
- Probably the most important one of all - the killer NEVER dies the first time.
Happy Halloween, all!!