Thursday, August 04, 2005

He Needed The Scores

Holy crap. Can you get more effed in the head than this guy? She probably should have let him find out the score of the Yankees game (because no way in Hell does a Sox fan do this).

PANAMA CITY, Fla. -- A man who got angry with his wife because she wanted to cuddle after sex when what he really wanted to do was watch sports on television was sentenced to death for killing her with a claw hammer.

A claw hammer? What, was the chain saw just out of reach? Who kills someone with a claw hammer?

Christopher Offord, 30, was sentenced Wednesday by Circuit Judge Dedee Costello, who said the brutality of the crime outweighed any mental problems Offord may have had.

We're going to call this judge "Judge Duh." I mean, c'mon she had to go to law school and kiss major political ass to sit on the bench and make that ruling? I don't care if you're the most insane person in the world, you don't take a claw hammer to someone you just used your own personal tool on.

"The defendant struck his wife approximately 70 individual blows after spending a happy interlude with her," the judge said. "Her desire to cuddle after sex does not justify the extremely violent, brutal response of the defendant."

Yes, after sex most guys (present company excluded, of course) have these thoughts, but who the hell acts on them? I want to have this guy's energy. He just had sex, presumably showed her the O face and STILL had enough energy to hit her 70 times with a claw hammer? What is this guy, superhuman?

Offord pleaded guilty to first-degree murder in the 2004 slaying of Dana Noser, 40, at his apartment.

Looks like he got some solid legal advice there. I mean there's really no other way to plead in this case. You screw some chick then you crack her head open because she wants to cuddle instead of watching sports, you're guilty as the sin you just committed.

He confessed to a bartender at a sports bar before his arrest. He told investigators that his wife had been nagging him to come back to bed.

Reason #154 why I'd never become a bartender.

Offord did not speak in court but said in a jailhouse interview in June: "I figured I killed her so I deserve to die."

Boy is he off. He doesn't deserve to die. He deserves to be smacked in the package with a claw hammer, then castrated AND violently gang raped in the prison showers daily. But that's just me.

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