Friday, June 10, 2005

The Joys Of Working Downtown

So, there I was...tied up to her bed. I had motor oil smeared all over my body. She came in with a set of jumper cables in one hand and a saddle in the other.

Ok, do I have your attention? That top paragraph is all bullshit. Anyone that knows me realizes that I'd never let anyone smear motor oil on my body. Ever. Not ever. Not even if Angelina Jolie and Elisha Cuthbert were wanting to tag-team me with it. Ok, I'm getting off track here. You people are so distracting.

We have a big trial going on here and I have been placed in charge of the computer aspect (i.e. PowerPoint presentations, legal software, getting it all to the courtroom and hooked up, etc.). Well, somehow I've also been put in charge of lugging shit back and forth from here to the courtroom and vice versa. On Wednesday, I got a call from the attorney in charge telling me to come get the TV/VCR combo that I took over to the courtroom earlier in the day. I oblige.

Now, in order to do this, I have to take our huge push cart, go down the freight elevator and head off to the courthouse, which is a block and a half away. Me and the cart make our way to the crosswalk and start to cross the street. We get halfway across when the person in front of me suddenly turns around and screams "YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME ALL DAY, BACK THE FUCK OFF!!"

Now, to say I was a little taken aback is an understatement. Not scared. Not worried. Just surprised. Then I got to looking at this "guy." It was obvious there was something amiss with him. The skirt gave it away. Yes, dude was wearing a skirt (with unshaven legs), blouse top and a jean jacket. All of which had seen better days.

What do you do in that situation? I have no idea. However, I can tell you that laughing right out loud doesn't help the situation. Neither does offering to give him a ride on the push cart. He was not amused. Not even a little bit.

Now, I really didn't intend to laugh at him, but the whole absurdity of the situation was too much for my cynical mind to take. He kept yelling incoherently at me, which caused me to laugh even harder at this guy. In order to diffuse the situation (since a crowd was gathering), I offered him a ride on the cart. Well, that did the exact opposite. Now, he was threatening to kick my ass. Guess what that did. Yep. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. As I was laughing, this guy takes an aggressive, boxing-like stance and starts hiking up his skirt. Honestly, I really couldn't stop laughing. I was trying.

At that point, I thought the best thing for me to do was to continue my trek to the courthouse. As I turned to walk away, the dude yelled at me "Come back here, you pussy!" Sadly, I didn't take the bait.

I've been wondering ever since what would have happened if I had. Ah, I probably would have gotten my ass kicked by some dude in mini-skirt. Either that or I would have gotten my ass kicked by some passer-by that thought I was beating up a hairy woman.

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