Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Why I Worry As A Parent
I've been told so many times that my little Reesey Monster is exactly like I was as a kid. Let's hope that he doesn't do the dumb shit I did when I was growing up. I mean, look at this stupid shit...
I tossed what I thought was an empty propane cylinder into a camp fire. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! + shrapnel. Luckily, only some tents were damaged.
A buddy and I started throwing darts at each other. I threw one at his head, he ducked, but the dart struck the bottom of a can of red spray paint, causing it to explode, this time sending shrapnel into his scalp.
I climbed a tree to try to lower a hornets nest down to a friend, who was waiting below with a Rubbermaid trash can and lid. I slipped, shook the fuck out of the hornets nest, causing them to attack him and me. I fell out of the tree while getting stung, repeatedly.
A few friends and I built a cool pill-box type underground fort at a construction site using some old scraps of wood and realty signs as roof planks. It caved in on us, nearly killing us. Thank god a beer truck driver saw it happen and came over and dug us out.
The year I lived on Cape Cod, my friends and I used to hide in the bushes during the winter and chuck snowballs at passing cars. It was all fun and games until I threw one in the darkness and nailed a State Trooper in the side of the head. Seems he rolled his window down to spit out of it. Dude chased us for a good mile. I managed to run eye-first into a tree branch, scratching the shit out of my cornea. It was much fun to be called "one eye" and "patch" for the next month by the kids at my school.
I jumped off the peak of my grandparent's two story home holding a golf umbrella, which promptly turned inside out. Causing me to fall, hard, into some shrubs. Fuck Mary Poppins.
I once tried to "surf" on a moving VW Beetle. Fell off and rolled into a ditch.
On a drunken dare, I did a backflip off the side of a speed boat that was doing about 45-50 mph. I thought I broke my fucking neck at the moment of impact, but it only turned out to be a very bad case of whiplash.
I climbed on top of some giant ass boulders the State had just dumped off a cliff to for the purpose of shoring up a river bank. I planned to fish off one, when the entire goddamned bank came loose, boulders and all, dumping me and all my shit into the water. Luckily I didn't get pinned or anything.
No, this isn't the complete list, but it is a collection of the dumbest things I've done. Let's hope that both my boys got their sense from someone else. It's also the reason why I plan to keep these guys busy all the time. Idle hands are truly the Devil's workshop.
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I tossed what I thought was an empty propane cylinder into a camp fire. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! + shrapnel. Luckily, only some tents were damaged.
A buddy and I started throwing darts at each other. I threw one at his head, he ducked, but the dart struck the bottom of a can of red spray paint, causing it to explode, this time sending shrapnel into his scalp.
I climbed a tree to try to lower a hornets nest down to a friend, who was waiting below with a Rubbermaid trash can and lid. I slipped, shook the fuck out of the hornets nest, causing them to attack him and me. I fell out of the tree while getting stung, repeatedly.
A few friends and I built a cool pill-box type underground fort at a construction site using some old scraps of wood and realty signs as roof planks. It caved in on us, nearly killing us. Thank god a beer truck driver saw it happen and came over and dug us out.
The year I lived on Cape Cod, my friends and I used to hide in the bushes during the winter and chuck snowballs at passing cars. It was all fun and games until I threw one in the darkness and nailed a State Trooper in the side of the head. Seems he rolled his window down to spit out of it. Dude chased us for a good mile. I managed to run eye-first into a tree branch, scratching the shit out of my cornea. It was much fun to be called "one eye" and "patch" for the next month by the kids at my school.
I jumped off the peak of my grandparent's two story home holding a golf umbrella, which promptly turned inside out. Causing me to fall, hard, into some shrubs. Fuck Mary Poppins.
I once tried to "surf" on a moving VW Beetle. Fell off and rolled into a ditch.
On a drunken dare, I did a backflip off the side of a speed boat that was doing about 45-50 mph. I thought I broke my fucking neck at the moment of impact, but it only turned out to be a very bad case of whiplash.
I climbed on top of some giant ass boulders the State had just dumped off a cliff to for the purpose of shoring up a river bank. I planned to fish off one, when the entire goddamned bank came loose, boulders and all, dumping me and all my shit into the water. Luckily I didn't get pinned or anything.
No, this isn't the complete list, but it is a collection of the dumbest things I've done. Let's hope that both my boys got their sense from someone else. It's also the reason why I plan to keep these guys busy all the time. Idle hands are truly the Devil's workshop.
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