Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Natural Selection

Ok, I don’t know how many of you guys outside of Oregon have heard about this, but apparently, some chromosome-deficient, mullet-wearing, inbred hillbilly decided that it would be a great idea to storm the Oregon Capitol Building in Salem and take himself hostage.

Let me say that again - take HIMSELF hostage.

Yep, this genius held himself at knife point and demanded to see the governor. Dude didn’t even use a gun. He used a knife. A KNIFE!

Ok, that has to be the most ill-fated hostage situation I’ve ever heard of. But, apparently, the humanitarians down at the Capitol Building freaked the fuck out over this, citing security concerns and the fact that this dumbass was shouting obscenities at everyone. Yes, I can see the concerns that some stupid hick smuggled what looked to be a 9" hunting knife into the building without being searched. That would concern me too. However, to worry about this guy after he started shouting obscenities and taking himself hostage? Sorry, he then ceases to be a problem and becomes a punchline.

First of all, I have no desire to pay for this guy to be taken to some mental institution and poked, prodded, tested and eeg’d to see why his elevator skips a few floors. No desire at all. Just because this dude thinks he’s entitled to see the governor when he holds himself at knife point doesn’t necessarily make him crazy. Dumb as a bag of hammers? Absolutely. Crazy? No.

Good thing I wasn’t at the Capitol Building that day. I would have been yelling stuff back at him like, “Have at it pal. We’ll clean up the mess. Hey Tommy, bring me a mop and some wet wipes, will you?.” Or, “I’ve never seen anyone flop around after they’ve sliced their jugular clean in half. That kind of shit only happens in the movies. Can you do that for me LIVE, please?” In fact, I'm surprised the people dealing with this so-called crisis didn't bust out laughing instead of lock down the building and have a hissy-fit, yelling, "You shithead, that the best you can do?!?"

See, where I come from (as well as in my twisted, sick little mind), it’s called natural selection. The crazies and the weak weed themselves out. No muss, no fuss. No spending taxpayer dollars to figure out why they’re crazy and/or weak. I don’t fucking care why they’re crazy and/or weak. They were crazy and/or weak when they came into this world and they’ll be crazy and/or weak when they leave it, no matter how much money we throw at a mental institution to figure it out.

Bottom line is this - yes, it’s a huge concern that a weapon was smuggled into the building. Fix that problem and that problem only. I’m tired of living in a state where we rehabilitate. Dude’s crazy, period. Let him kill himself if he wants to. I mean, as long as he’s not taking anyone with him when he goes, why the fuck should we care?

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