Thursday, January 27, 2005

Cell Phone Rage

Ok, so Victoria had to drop her car off at the service shop this morning. We get to the dealership and drop it off. They run a shuttle service to get you to work. Instead of taking the Max line (guaranteed hour and a half commute from Max stop to our office), we opt to take their shuttle service. After all, how bad could it be? Only problem is that another lady, who also dropped her car off, is taking the shuttle service as well. Ok, no problem. ~cue the Twilight Zone music~

As soon as she sits her fat arse in the back seat of the shuttle (I'm seriously amazed it fit), she yanks out her cell phone and starts yipping into it. First of all, it's 7:15 in the a.m. I'm not awake yet. I haven't even started sipping my coffee yet. So, here we are, captive in this shuttle with no sound other than the hum of the engine and the incessant whine of this lady's voice into her cell phone. She's talking about dog breeding (judging from her looks, I'd say it runs in her family). How she can't find a stud for this bitch and how she can't find a bitch for that stud, etc. Then, in the middle of her conversation, she pulls the phone away from her ear and apologizes for "swearing" so much. After she does that, she gets back on her phone and apologizes to whomever was on the other end saying, "people don't understand doggie talk here." WTF? By this point, I was ready to rip her phone from her meaty hand and stomp it into bits with my Nike hiking boots. THEN something must have struck her as funny because she starts laughing unremittingly into the phone. She sounded like a leaky tire running over a duck (I couldn't tell on a few occasions if she was laughing or choking to death - thank God I didn't have to make the decision on whether to perform the Heimlich or not because she wouldn't have made it). Ok, I'm officially in hell. As we near her destination, she starts telling the shuttle driver how to get to her office, but she still doesn't hang up the phone. So she's now trying to hold up two conversations at once. She confused the crap out of the driver, who is shaking his head so hard I thought he would get a head rush. Mercifully, she finally tells the person she was yapping with that she'll call him when she gets into her office. She hangs up the phone, all exasperated-like (hey it's hard work talking and snorting that much - who needs a gym?), and tells the driver tersely how to get to her office.

Amazingly, she managed to escape the shuttle with her cellphone in one piece. I am proud of myself for exercising such restraint. However, I feel that using your cell phone when you have a captive audience to listen to your side of the conversation is extremely rude. Next time this happens, I have a feeling I'll owe someone a new cell phone.

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