Friday, December 03, 2004

Kris and Anna Benson

Ok, so you’re Kris Benson, pitcher for the NY Mets. When you came out of college, you were touted as one of the premier pitching prospects in the country. You are now 30 years old and your major league record is an underwhelming 47-53. Pretty disappointing by any standards. That is until you think about it and realize that you have the coolest fucking wife in the history of wives attached to your arm, among other places.

Anna Benson is hot. Hella hot. Kris Benson is not. He deserves to be flagged by the Miller Lite refs for having a disproportionately hot wife. She is a former stripper and current “model.” On her website (, she lists her favorite movies as From Dusk Til Dawn, A Clockwork Orange and The Godfather. She loves to watch CNN and ESPN, which means that she can not only converse about current events, but sporting events as well. That’s enough to have me sportin major woodage right there. Add to that the fact that her FHM Magazine interview read more like a Penthouse Forum letter than an interview, and I am most definitely smitten. She is on record as saying that she loves sex. Her and Kris do freaky deaky things twixt the sheets, in the car, at the ballpark, in public, etc. She is also on record as saying that if Kris ever cheats on her, she’ll not only fuck every single person involved with his team, but SWALLOW them as well. The players, coaches, grounds crew, bat boys, office staff, etc. Pretty good incentive to stay faithful.

My question is this - how long will it be until Kris’ teammates take him out when they’re on the road, get him totally shitfaced, wait for him to pass out and then hire a team of hookers and/or strippers to go in his room and take compromising pictures with him? I can’t be the only one whose thought of this, can I? Honestly, how hard would it be? Kris is a partier (as is his wife). The only time he’s a self-professed “good boy” is on the days he pitches. He won’t even have sex with Anna on game day. However, on any other day, he is anything but a good boy. It would not be hard to take him out and do this to him. I’m actually thinking about getting a job in the Mets’ organization just to make this happen. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Some pictures of the lovely Mrs. Benson for your viewing pleasure.

I actually think that Kris is hella fine...i swing both ways and I think he's hotter than his wife is. Maybe I have bad taste, I don't know.
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