Friday, August 20, 2004

How I Thought I Lost My Virginity

***WARNING - This Post is Graphic. Funny, but Graphic. Turn Back Now If You Are Easily Offended.***

Think back if you will to the early 80's...1983 to be exact. I was a freshman with an astonishingly large penis. While I did, on occasion, milk the 9-iron, like most teenage guys I was pretty consistently lugging around a few gallons of boy goo in my swollen gnads.

Now, I don't mind bragging about my rakish good looks anymore than I mind confirming my length and girth. I was one handsome dude, and the girls, well, they loved me. At the time of this story, I was dating "Christy," a cheerleader from our chief rival high school, because she was so goddamn HOT. Not too bright, but FUCK, what a smoking little body she had. Taut and coiled like a fucking snake. The kind of girl that made your balls ache just looking at her. Christy was a giggler and a cocktease of the first order. We'd been out a few times, you know, the movies and shit, and she was a midnight stroker, so I kinda figured I'd finally do the deed with her at some point.

She had cheerleading practice after school, but of course no car, so her Mom usually picked her up on the way home from her hairstylist gig. Her Mom knew she was going to be later than usual at work one day, and asked Christy if she could find another way home. So Christy calls me up, and drops the skinny...can I pick her up (age for license was 15 in Florida) so we can head to her place for a few uninterrupted hours of pleasure? Motherfucking YES I CAN.

So the day comes and I pick her up in my Nissan Pulsar (stop laughing) and we head to her place. The house is a split level with a driveway along the south side that wraps around behind the back of the house. I park on the street though, and we head inside, up the steps, and get as far as the living room before I get my grope on. I'm kneading her titties like they are nerveless globs of play-doh when her dainty little hand first makes it way to my cock. Gulp! Holy shit, that first contact between soft, perfumed hand and denim is almost enough to make me pass out. And she starts going for it...she's undoing my jeans! So naturally, being the rico suave motherfucker that I am, I jam my hand down the front of her jeans like I'm plunging a toilet. She's making progress freeing my purple jack-in-the-box while I'm fumbling like a dipshit for anything pussy-related. She gets my pants and jockeys around my knees and then takes a step backwards. At this point, I'm ready to clear the picture frames off the mantle with propulsive jets of semen. She undoes her jeans and slides them off, revealing the kind of skimpy white cotton panties that really only look good on high school girls anyway. And then she slides those off...and there it is...the first bush I've ever seen by the light of day and the first bush I will have the very great satisfaction of nailing. And it's perfect...a naturally trimmed, sandy blonde wonder. She unbuttons her shirt, and undoes her front-clasp bra, but leaves them both on, then steps back towards me. We are cock to chest. She grabs my wang as I try to jam my entire fist inside of her vice-like sweetness. Fuck! She smells like baby powder. Jesus, but I can hardly get knuckle deep. She tells me, "This is going to be perfect. I want you to be my first." I'm sure I mumbled Valentino-like something to the effect of "murble."

She lays down slowly on the living room carpet, dragging me with her, and it's clear that this is going to be IT. No foreplay, no dining at the Y or polesmoking. I'm going to fuck this girl right here right now. So we stare pointedly into each other's eyes and I try to figure out how to bump my way inside her. So far, I'm basically fucking everything but her. Unfortunately, she's not helping guide my uninitiated firehose, so it's up to me. I'm getting a little impatient, mostly because I'm so fucking ready to EXPLODE, and I'm not really certain if I managed to strike pussy yet, when I get my first smooth stroke. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. Nice! This is so fucking nice. I figure I'm good for at least another 2 or 3 strokes. I open my eyes and look at her so I can flash her a Don Juan look of lust - she looks back somewhat bewildered. Hell, she probably doesn't know when she's getting fucked, think I, the master fucker. Well, you're getting fucked now, bitch! One more stroke, and FUCKING KABOOM!!! I start "sperming" and dropping pounds by the nanosecond. It's like I came half my body weight - a solid twelve to fifteen contractions and load-heavy blasts. I'm so ready to collapse on top of her and suck some oxygen when we hear the unmistakable sound of car tires on gravel.

Oh, fuck no! Is it? I get up, and Christy jumps up to the living room window, announcing that her Mom's cruising down the driveway. While her firm little tush is poised by the window, I notice that her buttocks and lower back are rather saturated with an unusual amount of gack. I casually glance over to the spot where I just gave this choice piece of ass the finest fucking of her young life, and notice a HUGE puddle of cum on the carpet! What the fuck?! It looks like someone threw a bucket of yogurt off a bridge. Christy says, "Don't worry about that now, you've got to get out of here!" as she grabs panties and jeans. And it hits me... yep, it slipped right in, didn't it? right in where? right in between her ass and the carpet. Yep, I just fucked the shit out of her Mom's burnt orange shag carpet.

With one hand, I'm tugging on my jockeys and jeans, as Christy leads me to her bedroom at the back of the house. As I finish getting my jeans on, she opens her bedroom window, just as we hear her Mom at the front door. I look at her. "I'll call you," I say. She pushes me out the window, and after about an 8 foot drop, I land on her garbage can, knocking it over, and spreading shit everywhere. I stand up and hear, "What was that? Christy?" "Nothing, Mom." She pulls the blinds closed without a second look, and I sneak around the house, bolt for my car, and get the fuck out of there.

Considering it was the biggest load I ever dropped, it just might have been the best fuck I ever had.

And, sadly, no, I did not wipe my cock on the drapes.

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