Tuesday, August 10, 2004


Holy crap it's hot here. We're talking 100° - one hundred muthafuggin DE-grees. Now, I'm from Florida so I'm no stranger to hot, but at least in Florida we used to move from air conditioned venue to air conditioned venue. Here in the up-n-left, the only venues that have air conditioning are our vehicles (and stores of course, but like I'm gonna let the Mrs. near a store and ask to stay a very long time..... pshaw!). That's right, the brand new townhouse I live in doesn't have air conditioning.

I'd love to meet the ass jockey that designed our place. Three stories and all of them are baking right now. The living room catches all the heat in the morning and our bedroom catches all the heat in the late afternoon, and doesn't cool down until around 2:00 a.m., when you just don't fucking care anymore. Isn't that a nice design? I mean, we spend all of our time in the living room during the day and then our bedroom at night. The designer was brilliant, I tell you. Borderline Einstein. How could he have looked at the piece of property and say, "Hmmm, let's face the living room east and the bedrooms west. These guys won't need central air. They'll be fine. Yep, that'll do er." Granted, there's not a helluva lot of days in the summer where you truly need air conditioning....... but goddamit the days we do we need it and would probably give our first born away for just a couple hours of that sweet, cold air..........

I guess it's partially my fault for moving into this place without thinking about the placement of the building. In my defense, however, I did look at it in January when it was 33° and raining, as usual, so the place seemed cool enough. In fact, it seemed downright perfect. The heat was going and the sliding glass door was letting in what little light there was outside. Combine that with the fact that the walls are white, and the place didn't seem quite as gloomy as the rest of the city.

Now, I'm regretting the decision to sign on the dotted line (note to purchase invisible ink!). I feel worse for my kids. Their room is hot too, but the problem is that it faces party alley, so there are people outside dropping f bombs until midnight, so I have to keep their room closed up and two fans going full blast. Poor little guys went to sleep with one ice cold washcloth on their foreheads and another one on their chests.

Maybe next week, we'll get back to normal. Or we'll be fully cooked. Whichever comes first.

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