Monday, July 12, 2004
Clean Up After Your Dog, Dog
Ok, is it just me or does the vast majority of dog owners think that it is not their responsibility to clean up after their dog takes a crap in public? If you are a dog owner, as G-Dogg says, for the love of all that's macaroni, CLEAN UP AFTER IT!! Not only is it your responsibility, moral and decent, it's also the fucking law. I really have no desire to step in your dog's fecal matter and have it strewn from stem to stern. Also, I don't want it on my car floor mats/clothes/etc. I equally have no desire to find out just how many tiny little crevices are on the bottom of my Nikes. Whenever I see someone tethered to the end of a dog that's dropping a deuce, it invariably leads to this exchange:
Me: Nice dog! You are gonna clean that up, right?
Clueless Dog Owner: Thanks!! What?
Me: You realize the dog isn't gonna clean that up, I mean his lacking opposable thumbs and all.
CDO: Well, uuuuhhhhh, I forgot the baggies at my house.
Me: No problem, use some of mine.
CDO (sheepishly): Thanks.
Sometimes the exchanges get a little more ugly. Case in point, I saw someone walking their dog close to my office when they just walked away from a fresh steamer.
Me: You're not gonna leave that crap right there, are you?
Dickhead: It's fertilizer.
Me: The sidewalk doesn't need fertilization.
DH: ~starts to walk away~
Me: Seriously, you need to clean that up.
DH: Uh, no, actually I don't.
Me: Do you leave shit floating in your toilet at home?
DH: No.
Me: Then why the hell would you leave shit outdoors? We all know what shit looks like. We also don't want to step in it.
DH: Then watch where you step.
Me: The next time I step in dog shit, I'm smearing it on your front door.
DH: Is that so?
Me: Yep, I believe in giving back to those idiots in society that have given the rest of us so much.
DH: ~walks away in disgust~
I know that it's impossible to clean up all of your dog's poop off the ground. I'm just asking for some effort here. If we all follow that one basic rule, homes NW Portland won't have doors with doggy crap smeared from top to bottom. It's really not that much to ask, is it?
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Me: Nice dog! You are gonna clean that up, right?
Clueless Dog Owner: Thanks!! What?
Me: You realize the dog isn't gonna clean that up, I mean his lacking opposable thumbs and all.
CDO: Well, uuuuhhhhh, I forgot the baggies at my house.
Me: No problem, use some of mine.
CDO (sheepishly): Thanks.
Sometimes the exchanges get a little more ugly. Case in point, I saw someone walking their dog close to my office when they just walked away from a fresh steamer.
Me: You're not gonna leave that crap right there, are you?
Dickhead: It's fertilizer.
Me: The sidewalk doesn't need fertilization.
DH: ~starts to walk away~
Me: Seriously, you need to clean that up.
DH: Uh, no, actually I don't.
Me: Do you leave shit floating in your toilet at home?
DH: No.
Me: Then why the hell would you leave shit outdoors? We all know what shit looks like. We also don't want to step in it.
DH: Then watch where you step.
Me: The next time I step in dog shit, I'm smearing it on your front door.
DH: Is that so?
Me: Yep, I believe in giving back to those idiots in society that have given the rest of us so much.
DH: ~walks away in disgust~
I know that it's impossible to clean up all of your dog's poop off the ground. I'm just asking for some effort here. If we all follow that one basic rule, homes NW Portland won't have doors with doggy crap smeared from top to bottom. It's really not that much to ask, is it?
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