Tuesday, July 06, 2004

The 4th of July is OVER, People!!! (With a Minor in Getting Older Sucks)

I live in a fairly large development of townhouses. The section I live in has been dubbed "Party Alley" due to the number of young, single people occupying the townhouses and flats on my street. Most of the time, this makes for a pretty festive, fun atmosphere. Last night, however, it was not fun at all. Ever notice the older you get, the less "fun" these things seem?

After a long, three day weekend that included two cookouts, five trips to the pool, a baseball game (in which the boys got to sing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" from the top of the dugout to the rest of the crowd), fireworks galore and about a thousand beers, I was ready to do some serious sleeping. Alas, it was not to be. Again, when sleep takes priority over partying, you know you're pushin' geezerhood and man that's a nasty awakening. When you're a kid you want nothing to do with naps and as you get older, you begin to long for them in a way you used to long for the hot chick at school.

I fell in bed around 10:15 p.m., completely wrecked last night. I think I fell asleep around 10:16. It was a warm night, so I left the window open and a fan going to drown out any potential outside noises, or so I was hoping.

Around 11:20, some of the local kids (ok, two of them are 19 and the other one is 20, but when you're in your 30's they seem like kids) came roaring by my place (sidewalks, complete with metal grates for electrical housing covers) on skateboards. Now, let me preface this by saying that if you're on a skateboard when you are over the age of 14, your name is not Tony Hawk and this is your primary means of transportation, your life has taken a drastic turn for the worse. Similarly, if you are older than 14, skateboarding should be a crime. Mind you, I'm on the third floor of a townhouse, window open, fan going, dead assed asleep and I hear these nitwits barreling down the sidewalk. Scrooowllll.....grrrrrrt.....scrooowllll.....grrrrrrrt. Scrolllwlll....grrrrrrt.....scrooowlll...grrrrrt. The grrrrrrt being them hitting the metal grating. Now, times that by three baked bordahs (as they like to call themselves), who have no concept of how to control the volume of their voices or respect to do it even if they knew better, and you get the idea. They sounded like a wheeled bunch of laughing hyenas as they circled my block over and over and over and over again. I guess their buzz wore off after the fourth lap, either that or they decided to spread the cheer and keep other sections of the development awake for awhile, because the noise stopped around 11:35. Thank God for small favors - shit, was that my bones creaking?

Ok great I think, now I can get back to sleep, which I actually accomplish around 11:55. Fast asleep, entranced in a wonderful dream in which I was the man meat in an Angelina Jolie and Elisha Cuthbert sandwich, when all of a sudden, crrrraccccckkkkkkk....ppppooppppppp....snappppppp...craaaaaakkkkk.....BOOM!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?! Being awoken like that can't be good for a man my age! Apparently, these hopheads thought it would be funny to set off firecrackers and M80s in the parking lot behind our houses at 12:45 a.m. By the time I pulled my finger and toenails out of my bedroom ceiling (not to mention removing the claws from my two cats from my scalp) and made my way over to the window, nobody was there. Ok, I thought, they got that out of their system. Thank God the kids didn't wake up. No sooner did I get back to my bed when again crrrraccccckkkkkkk....ppppooppppppp....snappppppp...craaaaaakkkkk.....BOOM!! Followed quickly by crrrraccccckkkkkkk....ppppooppppppp....snappppppp...craaaaaakkkkk.....BOOM!! Followed by muffled laughter and the distinct sound of three voices, "Duuuuuuude, that was rad!" "No, dude, that was BITCHIN!" "You dudes so totally ROCK!! That was just crazy stupid!" I looked out my window to see these three idiots standing in the middle of the parking lot as lights started to come on everywhere in the development. I hear someone yell, "Cops have been called, wait right there and you'll be taken care of." Another voice, "Fuck that, you fuckos you got exactly five seconds to get the fuck out of here before I meet you out back with my baseball bat."

First of all, fireworks have been banned by my community. Second of all, the 4th of July ended Sunday, dillweeds. Third of all, why in the fuck would you even fathom to think this would be a good idea to try in the development in which you LIVE. At least go to the fucking development three streets over so that you're not marked for death for all of eternity at your own development. Ohhhh thatttttttts right they're teenagers, that explains everything!

Since my community brethren decided to deal with it last night, I let it go. I really hope the idiotic trio didn't mind me ringing their doorbell five times this morning as I left for work at 6:30 a.m. (on about 3 hours of sleep, no less). Likewise, I really hope they won't mind it the rest of the month either.

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