Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Would One Less Soccer Mom Be A Bad Thing?

I almost had to snap a soccer mom's damn neck the other night at a Burger King drive-thru. One hamburger was all I wanted. One. Some might think said soccer mom's life was worth more than a slab of ungodly-overprocessed meat-like substance they call a hamburger, but I beg to differ. You may not think so, but I was really, REALLY hungry.

I pull into the drive-through window and am the third car in line. Not bad, I'll be out of here in no time I think to myself, after all it is 9:30 p.m. WRONG!!!!!!!

First car goes through, BAM, no problems, sweet!

The second car (a fucking red Dodge Caravan) pulls up to order. All of a sudden, I see all these little heads popping up in the back two seats. SHIT! A borderline busload of rugrats. About 6 of the little bastards jumping around back there, no car seats or anything. Where the fuck is the po-po when you need them? Oh yeah, I wasn't at Krispy Kreme.

At this point I'm beginning to realize I got behind "that person" - you know the one I mean, the one that makes you curse the moment you even THOUGHT to go through the drive-thru, because now you're stuck and there isn't one goddamn thing I can do about it. Bitch starts ordering and it sounds like she's placing a catering order. "Threeee Chicken Tenders….. Four onion rings….. two this, four that, sixxxx Coca-Colas." (Coke for kids at 9:30 on a Thursday night? How this woman was overlooked for Mommy of the Year, I'll never know). Of course the mannequin with the headset on has to have her repeat the order about three times before she could find all of the damn pictures on the cash register.

So, I'm back there ready to go Bruce Banner on this baby factory's frickin mini-van while she is informed that her order is about $35. FUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!

So then the douchebag pulls up to the second window and is screaming at her battalion of offspring to settle down while she sets up a monthly payment plan for this meal…
"Dylan, sit down… Tyler, stop that…… Britney, leave Kylie alone, behave yourself Brandon and Hunter……." All of those new, yuppie, trendy names that we have nowadays. It sounded like she was raising the cast of Beverly Hills 90210 for chrissakes.

If that wasn't bad enough, she then proceeds to sit there and eat her french fries. Might I offer a small tip: it's called a DRIVE THRU for a reason. It's not a SIT AND EAT THRU. At this point I'm ready to get out of my car and help myself to some of those french fries of hers, so that she'll HURRY THE FUCK UP. ALL I WANT IS A FUCKING HAMBURGER YOU STUPID BITCH!!!!!!!! JUST ONE FUCKING HAMBURGER!!!!!! Is it possible to go 'postal' at a fast-food drive-thru window?

Luckily for her, she must have sensed that I was about to rip my steering wheel off and choke her with it, or else saw me smiling while flippin' her the bird in her rear-view mirror, she put the fries down and went on her way.

Holy shit....I need some Advil - AND THAT HAMBURGER!

Its David Banner... FREAK!
Dont make me angry, you wouldnt like me when Im angry.

Luv ya JP.

Lay off the soccer moms, you know you WANT them!

PS. Please keep jeff off the beach...
No, it's Bruce Banner, freakette. :o)


That's from the official website.

Hey, it's dudes like me that keep cardiologists in their condos in LA and Lexuses.
More than a couple of chuckles. 3 1/2... thats how far I've got. Got a story to write tonight.

This was funny as hell.
I almost pee'd myself about the six rugrats jumping around in the backseat.
Sheesh... LOL
That made me giggle!
You're going to dig a hole to China... where do you start?
Panda express...LOL
good! very good!

I love Panda Express... the Generals Chicken yum!
You were in my world!!! Last night, go to Taco Bell drive thru. One person in car in front of us. But they talk and talk and talk. Hyper-Boy looks over and says, "Looks like we're gonna be here for a while." LOL!! You mean she wasn't on a cell phone too????
JP and Vader (aka Freak and Freakette):
It's both David and Bruce.
Bruce Banner is the character's original name when it started out, and when they took the Hulk and made it into a TV series, they altered the name to David Banner.
JP...what's up with you and soccer moms??? It looks like your blood pressure just starts rising at the sight of a minivan. Remind me not to drive mine to Portland on my next trip up...
Inanna - I feel your pain. I had some dude in front of me yesterday talking on his cell and going about 3 miles per hour while he was talking. I mean, if you can't multi-task normally, please don't try to do so while hurtling a 3000 pound projectile through the public roadways.

Leese - Thanks for the info. And I don't hate minivans. I've actually had a minivan in the past. The Suburban is more me, however. Soccer moms are a different animal altogether, however. I hate, hate, HATE soccer. My boys don't even get the option to play (ain't that just grounds for calling Child Protective Services)? I refuse to sit there while my kids kick a ball and run after it for 3 hours. But that's a different rant for a different day.
Yo pencil marks! I think Im in LOVE... with Jeff, your babe cousin. That belly, that balding head.... oooh la la!

Thanks Leese, I knew it was David Banner played by Bill Bixby. I used to watch that show before Dukes of Hazzard.
VaderChick - Jeff's only 23. Did I tell you that? And sadly he's taken. :op
I heard they changed it to David on the TV show because the producers thought that Bruce sounded too...gay.

Stupid, huh?
It is people like you and I that make the world a better place.
I totally agree, anonymous.
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