Thursday, May 13, 2004

Trailer Hitches, Suburbans, Hybrids and Burnouts

I saw the funniest thing on my way home from work yesterday -- a trailer hitch. Yes, I know a trailer hitch isn't normally funny. However, it's downright ha-frickin-larious when it's attached to a Geo Tracker. Take a second and think about it. What in the holy hell are you going to tow with a Geo Tracker? A Radio Flyer? A baby carriage? A skateboard (sans Tony Hawk wannabe)? My 4 year old's Big Wheel puts out more torque than a Geo Tracker. You could put a Geo Tracker in the back of my Suburban and still have room for...well....everything I own. I mean the inside of a Suburban is roughly the size of Bakersfield.

Ok, you caught me, I own a Suburban. Rather, Household Finance Company lets me drive the Suburban they own as long as I make a payment each month. Be that as it may (can you tell I'm ADHD?), you never know how many tree huggers are in your area until you drive a gas piggie like a Suburban. The looks I get from the tye dye wearing, deoderant deficient contingency in this city ranges from mild disapproval to unmitigated disbelief. One of these musky burnouts actually had the stones to tell me, "Do you know how many natural resources your vehicle is wasting?" To which I responded, "Look Moonbeam, you're wearing enough hemp to open a Head Shop and you're lecturing me about wasting natural resources? Now get back in your hybrid before I kick it into 4 HI and turn your eco-mobile into a lowrider." After sizing me up (or perhaps my 20" tires), he turned around, got back into his Toyota Prius and drove off.

At least it wasn't a Geo Tracker.

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